Rules of Acquisition
Location: Captain's Office
Timeline: [BACKPOST] Prior to: W. T. F. ?!?!?
Raine had snuck into the Captain's office before he was even close to being there. It wasn't that she was trying to investigate him, it was just that she was being considerate towards him. Since she'd arrived on board two hours before, she couldn't sleep before meeting him, so she had decided to keep herself occupied. Naturally, she'd gotten tired of unpacking after an hour and made her way to the bridge and walked into the CO's office as if she belonged. And no one had questioned it.
She HAD done her research while in there, getting into the records of what he consistently ordered from the replicator, as well as the typical time that he got into the office, which was about oh... Three minutes from this moment. So she had his normal cup of coffee ready for him. And one for herself as well, but it wasn't what she normally drank, so she'd had chocolate syrup mixed in with hers.
The Betazoid was just turning to place the piping hot coffee on the desk when her toe stubbed on nothing and she tripped over backwards. She managed to catch herself before she fell, but not in enough time to keep the coffee from splashing all over her front.
"OW!!!!" She yelped, the VERY hot liquid instantly soaking through the jacket and coming in contact with her skin. Without any conscious thought, she tore the jacket off, then the bra she wore that was also liberally saturated by the drinks. She bounced around, trying to use the sodden jacket to remove the coffee from her body.
Which was approximately the same time that Joe walked into the office. He stopped short, sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering, "I'll just have ops install a neon 'Joe's Strip Club' sign above my door."
Raine more felt than heard Joe enter the room and stopped her bouncing, a huge grin on her face as she recognized the Captain. She was now completely oblivious to the fact that she had no top on at all and bounced over to him, throwing her arms around him in a big hug. "Captain!" She exclaimed, then held him out at arms length, "You know, you are definitely cuter than the images on your official record."
Joe panicked, "I! YOU! SHIRT! NO SHIRT! GET DRESSED! WHY ARE YOU HUGGING ME?!" He blurted out in near-hyperventilating bursts.
Raine gave a confused look, "I'm hugging you because it's the right way to greet people, silly bunny!" She wiggled her rear because she was happy to see him. No particular reason, but she was, "And I am dressed! See?" She glanced down and saw that she wasn't actually dressed, her glistening upper body still somewhat wet. "Oh..."
"Oooooo I swear to god you crazy women are going to get me court martialed... again," He said, smacking his hand into his forehead as he walked over to his desk. "Why is it I keep finding topless women in my office? This might have worked for... I don't know, Kirk or something but god dammit! I run a respectable ship! Mostly. Get a shirt on!"
"I... Um..." Raine was at a loss for words, then glanced at the bundle of her jacket and the two coffee cups on the ground, "I... Didn't bring along a spare jacket..." She trailed off quietly.
"Replicator, Lieutenant. Replicator," Joe said, motioning to the square inset on the wall.
Her eyes brightened as she saw the replicator, then sauntered over to it and punched in a few buttons. A uniform jacket materialized in it and she grabbed it and shrugged it on, sealing up the front and had to struggle to get it sealed over her chest. When she finally got it finished, it was obviously a very tight fit as it hugged her body, and lay open at the base of her throat as all her jackets did. "Better, Joe?"
Joe didn't really observe, just confirmed she was in uniform again as he flopped back into his seat and massaged his eyes, "Yes, better. Why were you topless in my office?"
"Well, I was here because I really wanted to meet you before I really reported into my section because after all I'm your new Chief of Security and I'm responsible for not only the safety of the crew but also your safety and I really wanted to be sure that I was able to meet you and I made a cup of coffee for you just the way you like it and..." Raine took a deep breath because that entire blurb had been on one breath, "I tripped on something on the floor and spilled the coffee which was hot by the way all over myself and it was really hot and wet and I didn't like it." She breathed again, "And so I took my jacket off."
"Right," Joe said. Inside, he wanted to ask for further clarification, but a certain level of apathy had started to rear its ugly head. On the Odin it had been brawling fights how he met his crew. Here, it appeared to be toplessness. Fine. Each ship had their quirks. AND OY WHAT QUIRKS THIS DAMNED SHIP HAD.
Joe gave a quick, defeated sigh, ushered up a convincing smile and waved toward the chair across from him, "Have a seat, Lieutenant."
Raine smiled brightly and leaned forward to be able to settle down into the chair and stopped as her eyes made contact with his. She just stared over the desk as her smile dropped completely and she unconsciously leaned over it, finally putting a knee onto it to crawl over it towards him, never losing eye contact as it seemed like she was searching for something within him.
Joe stared at here, blank faced, "What the hell are you doing, Lieutenant?" He asked, flatly.
Continuing closer until she was three inches from his face, Raine remained silent. Her eyes never broke contact and she didn't blink as she stared for a few more seconds. Finally, she reached up with her right index finger and gently pushed his nose, "Boop!" She said, the smile returning to her face.
Joe stared at her for a long minute, blinked, then barked, "SIT. DOWN. LIEUTENANT."
Raine slid her legs so that she was in a sitting position on the edge of his desk and nodded, the smile down to more of a wistful one, "What can I do for you?"
Joe worked his mouth as though he wasn't quite sure how to answer that. He was about to protest her sitting on his desk, but at least at this point he'd reached a certain level of normalcy, "You know... most people schedule a time with the Captain's Yeoman, show up after him, let _him_ offer drinks and such, and just introduce themselves. Answer the COs questions, and then they go about their business," Joe replied, trying to sound as calm as possible. "You have done... pretty much the exact opposite of that."
"I just don't work that way." Raine said matter-of-factly, "I see what I want to do and I do it. The way I've had it put to me is that I'm the functional equivalent of organized chaos."
Joe cocked his head to the side, "It's not exactly reassuring to hear my chief of Security refer to herself as 'functional chaos'," Joe replied.
"Organized chaos." Raine corrected, "It means that to the outside eye, things look like there's no rhyme or reason to how I do things or arrange things, but the opposite is actually true. I will know precisely what and where everything is going on. I just tossed the book out the airlock. On my way up here, in fact. I think it was on deck three?"
"Two, next to the turbolift.... did you actually toss something out of the airlock?" Joe asked, being distracted from his next question by that statement.
"Yup! It was a book titled 'How To Live Your Life In The Company Of God. Tossed it right out the airlock." Raine looked all happy with herself.
"You're not supposed to..." Joe sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose again. What was with all the headaches lately? Oh right... his crazy crew. Someone at the Starfleet HQ in the assignments department must hate him.
"Don't throw things out of the airlock, Lieutenant. It's generally frowned upon to litter, even in space," He said with a sigh. "In spite of our... uncouth introduction, you do come with an excellent record of service." He said, trying desperately to get back to business. "Have you ever served on a ship as small as an Akira before?" He asked.
"If it helps, my cadet cruise was on a Steamrunner-class, the Cassiopeia, but Avalanche was a Sovereign and Queensland was Intrepid." Raine closed her eyes in what were apparently good memories, "Good times, good times."
Joe chuckled a little, "Well, hopefully the good times will continue on here," He explained. "Do you have any questions for me?"
"Just one, but it's kindof an important one." Raine grew serious, sliding off the edge of the desk, "I just need to know, absolutely know, what your favorite color is."
Joe stammered for a moment, and cocked his head to the side, "Uhm... Blue, I guess," He replied.
"Hmph!" Raine grunted, "I would have guessed you for a green person." She shrugged, smiling and winking at him, "I'm a purple myself. Seeya'!"
Joe stared in disbelief as the woman practically skipped from his office. Come to think of it... he did sort of like green.